Therapy for Anger Management
What is anger?
Anger is an emotion, a feeling, a set of psychological experiences, and a group of behaviors that occur because of other unwanted emotional experiences such as guilt, shame, fear, uncertainty, confusion, and grief.
We can also think of anger as a defense against a perceived threat such as anticipated disappointment, injustice, harm, and other unwanted experiences emotional or literal. Anger may feel like an energetic experience to you, one that feels powerful, strong, and a lot better than the malaise and feelings of hopelessness that often come with sadness.
It's common for people who struggle with anger management issues to point out that "everyone feels anger, at least sometimes." And that's largely true . . . very few people never experience anger (and shoving it down doesn't count as "not having" anger).
There's a significant difference between experiencing healthy anger and the kind of anger that hurts your health, your relationships, and your relationships.
Anger issues can feel hopeless and isolating.
People who have a hard time with the feelings and behaviors of anger often experience anxiety and depression as well. They feel unable to "control" their responses to stressful situations or loved ones, work challenges, and other important parts of their lives, and feel like they have to avoid anything that might "make" them angry. They feel depressed because of their seeming inability to "stop" having outbursts or inflicting destructive anger behaviors that cause damage in their personal or professional lives.
Do you feel trapped and like you have no choice but to limit your life so that your anger isn't triggered?
You are not alone.
Specific anger experiences and patterns differ from person to person. You may or may not have ever wondered, "Would I benefit from therapy for anger management?" Either way, you don't have to live with anger controlling your life.
Signs you might need help learning to control your anger if
You feel angry a lot of the time.
You avoid situations or people that you "can't handle" or where you believe that "people just keep trying" to provoke you.
Colleagues, friends, or family have commented on your anger, or said that they think you have an anger problem.
You have tension with coworkers, subordinates, or superiors.
People have distanced themselves from you as a result of your behavior, or avoid you when you're upset.
You hold grudges or think about revenge.
There are businesses or social settings where you are no longer welcome.
You have been or think about getting physically aggressive or violent when you feel angry.
Angry behaviors on the outside.
You find yourself warning other people that you have "a short fuse," are "kind of a hothead," "I'm usually pretty relaxed, but if I do get upset, I go from zero to sixty," or "it's how I am so don't set me off – there's nothing I can do about it once I get going."
You're easily irritated or hostile towards well-meaning people, and you have difficulty believing that they didn't mean you any harm when they make a mistake or something happens accidentally.
You often become frustrated or have an angry outburst and then say or do things that you later regret, but you feel completely out of control at the time.
Angry experiences on the inside.
Feeling angry also causes you to feel sullen, withdraw from others or isolate, or refuse to participate in problem-solving or repair with family, a partner, or friends. When you feel hurt, offended, or uneasy, you quickly "lose it" or "get ramped up." You easily become indignant or self-righteous when you feel misunderstood, and you feel intense pressure to make others see your point so that they'll respect and understand you.
When you're flooded by feelings of anger, other people's opinions or disagreement feels like a personal attack and this stops you from being able to participate in meaningful or challenging conversations.
You see anger as necessary in order to "police" the bad behaviors of others.
When you have intense feelings of frustration, you take your anger out on yourself through self-destructive actions like binge drinking, binge eating, or scratching yourself.
You and your family deserve better.
Whether you suppress or express your anger issues, chances are, they're causing you a lot of pain.
In terms of physical health, anger issues have been empirically connected to heart health problems and cardiovascular diseases, disordered eating, memory issues, gastrointestinal issues, and diabetes. That's hard on you and your family.
Anger management issues also affect those around you. Children can be severely impacted by the anger behaviors of a parent, even if those behaviors aren't explosive. The stress children experience from growing up with an angry parent can impact brain development and also lead to behaviors later in life including antisocial behavior, low self-esteem, mental health issues, and significant difficulties in relationships. These experiences may contribute to other negative outcomes later in life such as impaired success in school, dysfunctional adult relationships, and work problems.
Getting help for anger management is a long-lasting gift to yourself and your family.
Therapy can help with anger issues.
Anger is a learned pattern of behaviors that can be unlearned.
Therapy for anger issues can help you discover compassionate, practical ways to replace out-of-control, destructive, and automatic anger responses to emotional and physical stressors with chosen, deliberate, and desired responses that align with your values and fulfill your needs.
Being peaceful isn't about ignoring or "stuffing" your feelings, or "letting stuff go." It isn't about "giving in" or trying to "pretend" you don't feel angry when you do. Through insight building, skills development, and compassionate curiosity, therapy can help you live peacefully and assertively at home, work, and in the world.
Don't let anger rule your life, ruin relationships, and make you feel guilty to the point of depression. If you identify with any of these experiences, Anger Management Therapy can help.
Let's work together to help you overcome those angry urges and expressions. Life is too short not to be happier. Get in touch with me today for more information on moving forward from anger to a better life.
People Also Ask
Where do anger issues come from? What causes anger?
Anger is an emotional experience often as a strong feeling of annoyance, irritation, displeasure, or hostility.
People frequently identify external stimuli such as other people, events, or experiences as "the source" of their anger, and external events are commonly what elicits anger responses. But anger is an internal experience that usually has more to do with the meaning of the external stimuli to the individual. As we know, what provokes anger in one person may not at all bother someone else.
Part of developing healthier responses to the feeling of anger is to differentiate between the feeling of anger, the thoughts that come along with the feeling, and the reactions one might have in response to those thoughts and feelings.
How do I stop anger outbursts?
Reducing and eventually eliminating anger outbursts is an achievable goal for many people who experience anger.
A key part of living a more peaceful life is learning to recognize that feeling angry doesn't have to mean acting angry. Accepting the presence of feelings as they are doesn't have to dictate what you do with those feelings. Many people are successful in learning to recognize and accept feelings of anger and then choose responses that are in alignment with their values, instead of reacting in ways that cause them guilt, shame, and embarrassment.
What's the best treatment for anger management?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness are three top therapy approaches for anger management, and the ones that I use in my practice.
Effective anger management therapy can change your life, your relationships, your career, and your personal well-being.
How can I control my anger?
It's important to define what we mean when we say, "control my anger."
It's pretty impossible for most people to "control" any feeling, anger included, in the sense that feelings come up unbidden and don't ask for permission before doing so.
What we can learn to do very successfully is choose responses - intentional actions instead of default reactions - to the feelings when they arise. Many people have successfully learned to have feelings of anger but choose different, constructive, and even positive behaviors in response to those feelings instead of the old, self-sabotaging, destructive actions.